24 Nisan 2016 Pazar

my light, my sun and stars

I can't move on now.
I was so in love,
Back in the day.
And never knew it. 
I was so in love, 
I can still feel it,
In my bones. 
My skin remembers her,
The way she never hugged.
The way she hugged once
And it was so enough.
She was so much,
I still can't move on.
I don't wanna move on,
Wanna give my heart
Never look back.

3 Nisan 2016 Pazar

messed up

I'll never forgive my dad bullying me about my weight. It's truly bullying and when it's from your family, when it's from beloved people to you, it stings. It hurts as hell as if my head doesn't make me miserable about it. As if I don't deal with my inner voice every fucking second, you have to bring me down as well. I just brought my anti depression pill from the cabinet and I nearly took one. I don't want to take one because it's all toxic pill and it messes with brain, the thing I value about myself the most but I am so tempted. Also the thing I value the most hurts, aches and I don't know if I can take this anymore. I just have to live this fucking life but I don't know how. I can't even speak in my first language about my messed head, how can I when living in my own skin is a task to do every single day?